Saturday, 3 October 2015

Introspection

I was expecting coming back to Paris, and more significantly, work, after a long holiday and the small matter of a wedding and honeymoon, and experience a massive, empty sort of comedown.

In the event, I actually just felt tired.

Really tired.

I like my job a lot, but it can be draining, especially when coupled with 2.5 hours of commuting every day. And so it turned out that when I was expecting post-wedding blues, it was more post-holiday blues that I experienced, and specifically, resentment at the lack of time for my own projects and at the fact that when I did have any free time, I was too exhausted to enjoy it.

Another thing I've been thinking about recently is how for a natural introvert, I have developed a very busy social life over the past few years. When I was at school, I spent a lot of my free time alone, reading, writing, drawing and daydreaming. I was lucky enough to have a few close friends who were similar, so I wasn't ever lonely, but we didn't exactly have a buzzing social life either. University was a bit the same - I had good friends, but the subjects I studied left plenty of room for time alone as well.

And then I started working, and moved to Italy and then France, and discovered travel and the joy of socialising that doesn't always centre around getting very drunk and ending the evening in a scruffy nightclub, with people with similar interests and worldviews, and I met Understanding Frenchman and we moved in together, and suddenly there wasn't so much time for reading, writing and daydreaming anymore.

So that has been my goal over the past few weeks: to minimise time spent at work and make good use of my commuting time to either finish job-related things or get on with reading some really good books, and to use the time left over for quiet, introverted activities. I'm still going out and meeting lots of friends, but only for the events I really want to go to. If I'm too tired, I say no.

Because if you're too exhausted to enjoy the free time that you have, what's the point in having any?

Unfortunately, this doesn't make for very interesting blogging material, so for now I'll leave with a photo of the flowers I planted in our window boxes, which make me happy every time I look up from the book I'm reading to gaze out of the window and daydream.


3 comments:

  1. No, it's interesting, because that's exactly how I feel! We all strive for better work/life balance, whatever the particular situation is. I get really moody if I don't have enough time to dedicate to my personal projects, or just not enough time to relax. It's very easy to get caught in a routine of chores (and yes, no matter how much you like it, work is a "chore" and it's rarely a relaxing activity!)

    Hang in there :-)

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  2. Enjoy your daydreaming-- it can be very productive for the well-being, I find. I sometimes like to just look at the sky or water or leaves rustling in the breeze.

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  3. I relate to this so much. Our wedding(s) were wonderful, but now that I'm back to real life and working twice as much as I initially agreed to at the beginning of the year, I'm realising that I'm drained the whole time. I haven't cooked just for the fun of it in I don't know how long, and my blog and my notebook show me in stark black and white that I haven't written anything of much worth at all for about a year. All is not lost, however: I've finished three books in the past week, and I spent half an hour this morning just sitting, staring out of the window, which made the subsequent supermarket shopping trip a load less stressful than usual, as I had peaceful sights and sounds and words bubbling over themselves inside my head. I feel a million times better already :)

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